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   Thursday, September 6, 2007

Copyright © 2005 Melissa Jean Quiter
Do you ever look around your life and think, "This isn't the life I wanted. How did I get here? This is not what I envisioned!"
Well, you certainly aren't alone in that thought. In fact, my clients so often share this thought with me that I have given it its own name. I call this "Being Caught in the Expectation Gap." The "expectation gap" is the gap between living the life you think you are creating and living the life you are actually creating. Dissatisfaction, frustration and disillusionment are experienced most prevalently when you expect one thing to happen and something else entirely shows up.
The truth is that you are always creating. You are the sole creator and attractor of all experiences in your life. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't believe you fall into the "expectation gap" when you are creating using all your tools and resources. Quite the contrary. You fall into the "expectation gap" when you are only aware of what your conscious mind is desiring and you are ignoring the other 88% of your mind – your subconscious mind, where all the other amazing parts of you live with a multitude of desires.
Every person, you included, has multiple parts that make up the whole of who you are. These parts of you live in your subconscious mind. They are the various aspects of your personality that make you the rich and complex human being that you are. Each part of you has one primary function -- an intention as it were – something it wishes to provide you or ensure for you. And every intention, at its core, is always good and chosen with your best interest at heart. Now, the way these various parts ensure their intentions are being met is through the use of behaviors. The behaviors that you display are actually driven by these various parts of you happily fulfilling their intentions for you.
The hiccup to this system comes when a part of you chooses a behavior that is limited or contradictory to another part of you. This is when you experience what is called a conflicting intention. Every part does have your best interest at heart, but it cannot always see the full picture (or the picture changes after an initial behavior is chosen). Thus, if you are not consciously seeking to know all the aspects of yourself and how all the various environments that make up your life interact, like relationships, finances, career, health, etc., you will find yourself experiencing conflicting intentions that block you from creating and manifesting what you believe you are creating. You cannot focus your pure energy on two completely opposite intentions. Thus, you end up creating the one that gets the most energy, if you are aware of it or not. And, ultimately, you end up in the "expectation gap" frustrated, confused and back to the original thought of this article – not living the life you envisioned.
For example, if a part of you wants to get a raise at work because you have a baby on the way, that part knows you must work longer hours to prove you deserve more money. The behavior chosen is to go into work earlier and stay later. The more you work, the more people rely on this behavior continuing. When the baby comes, another part of you -- the part of you that loves your new baby -- emerges. You desire to spend time with your new child and show it love, affection and protection. However, the behavior that you are still "choosing" is working many long hours at the office. It appears, though, that it is not really "your choice" as there is just so much on your plate and people expect you to be there as you have been. You may look at your life at this moment and not really understand. You may ask, "Why me? Why am I always the one that gets stuck with all the extra work? All I really want is to be at home with my baby. Isn't that what is really important in life?" In reality, you have simply created two intentions and, in this situation, they actually are based on the same overall intention – to provide for your baby. However, by not acknowledging your own assessment that in order to provide for your baby, you need more money and that means longer hours, you feel that you are not creating the life you want now. You think your life is being controlled by the requirements of your job and to the detriment of your family life. In truth, you have two beliefs that are butting heads because they are not being integrated.
Creating is something that you do naturally. You either create deliberately, by knowing what is happening in all the areas of your life and how they fit together, or you do it by default, by being only consciously aware of what you are creating and ignoring all those other aspects of yourself that are also playing a very active and influential role in the creation of your reality.
When you don't take into account the whole you and your responsibility for what is happening in your life, you become a person living at effect (instead of at cause). The universal Law of Cause and Effect says – for every cause there is a reciprocating effect and for every effect there is a preceding cause. When you are creating by default – without full awareness of all the desires, intentions and aspects of the whole you -- you cease to be in the power space of cause. You are not deliberately causing the events of your life, you are responding to them. This is when you end up in the "expectation gap."
Understanding the powerful creator inside of you is the first step in deliberately manifesting the desires most important to you. By breaking down your life into the segments that create it, what I call the Nine Environments of Holistic Living, you give yourself the opportunity to see what you truly desire and where your energy is being distributed. This is how you discover that you may have one intention (as displayed by one behavior or desire) in one part of your life and have another intention (displayed by another behavior or desire) in another part of your life that is opposite. Without taking the time to articulate each desire, what it means to you and why, you often are not aware of what the whole you is truly up to.
Once you do get the full picture, you then must seek out the possible conflicts. These conflicts are at the core of the "expectation gap." When you have two competing desires, you end up sabotaging either one or both of the desires. No matter how much you positively focus your energy, you negate it with the other desire. In my program, "Being Spiritual Doesn't' Mean Being Poor! How to remove what blocks you from making money & creating happiness," I offer 17 questions for each desire to get at its core. I then offer a comparison exercise for each of those questions to ferret out the competing forces. You can do this on your own, though, by simply comparing desires from one environment to the other. When you do find the conflicts, you have found the saboteur keeping you from manifesting.
The next step is clearing up your space so you can create what you truly want. There are many programs and exercises available to assist in this process. You cannot skip this step. You cannot focus pure energy with cluttered space. My preference, for meeting the aspects of yourself holding competing intentions, is Neuro-Linguistic Programming, also known as NLP. NLP is an advanced form of communication that can be used with others, but more importantly, with yourself. You can go beyond the conscious mind into the subconscious mind where your intentions, beliefs and behaviors are structured to make the changes needed for clearing. However you choose to achieve this step, it is imperative to deliberately creating the life you desire.
In the end, when you are aware of the whole you and what you are creating, my favorite method for bringing it all together is the Law of Attraction. The Law of Attraction is based on Quantum Physics and the idea that everything is energy. It says: That which you focus your attention on is what you create more of in your life – wanted or unwanted. Learning to raise your vibrations to attract more of what you want and less of what you don't want allows you to take direct and indirect action toward the creation of your life. A tool that I created to offer a daily structure for engaging my creator is the Process of Deliberate Creation. This process gives me what I need on a daily basis to practice and master being the creator of the life I want to be living.
Simply becoming aware of the whole you and uncovering those conflicting intentions will have a huge impact on the manifestation of your desires. When you have a clean slate from which to create from, the tools for creating come much easier and provide amazing success. I encourage you to begin the journey. The rewards are nothing short of living your dream life!

Melissa Jean Quiter is an inspirational life and business strategist with Provocative Communications. She is the author of the 4-phase, life and business-changing program, "Being Spiritual Doesn't Mean Being Poor! How to remove what blocks you from making money & creating happiness," based on the Law of Attraction and the three required elements (universal law, Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the Nine Environments of Holistic Living) to ensure your success 100% of the time. To get started, visit: www.ProvocativeCommunications.com/beingspiritual.html. Melissa also teaches a simple, yet profound, daily process for deliberately creating your life in her book, "My cat made me a millionaire… (and how yours can too!)," available here: www.ProvocativeCommunications.com/cat.html. E-mail: Quiter@Texas.net or call: [512] 341-0556.


Attitude Insurance
Everyone knows the importance of having a positive attitude, especially in the health insurance industry. Even negative people say that they have a positive attitude.
All agents have seen it one time or another. They are at a meeting, and in the hallway during one of those five minute breaks they notice a woman on the telephone. In fact, she's on the phone on every break. Finally one agent says, "calling your husband, huh?" to which she quickly responds, "No! Setting appointments." She's obviously protecting or insuring her 'good attitude'. She's making sure that the outside influence of a meeting will not affect her production goals or her 'good attitude'.
Or, what about the guy who's sitting at a table by himself at the Monday morning 'turn-in' meeting. He's busy wrestling with a pile of papers and hasn't said a word to anyone. Someone goes up to him and says something about the monsoons or scorching heat or earthquake in China last week and he barely acknowledges their presence. "All those papers must be apps", he mutters to the group in the hall.
An example of Attitude Insurance:
Sam, a new agent, rode with John, a seasoned pro, for a week. Monday, John finished setting up his week. He already had about eight appointments and added another 7 or 8. It didn't look too difficult, people just seem to like him. On Tuesday, things started going bad. The first appointment wasn't there so they just introduced themselves to a few other businesses. The next person didn't qualify medically, but they did sell the NBA membership and a critical illness policy. Wednesday they encountered severed thunderstorms. Their first appointment was the owner of a tow trucking company and was a no-show. They went next door to a beauty shop and found five beauticians and a receptionist looking very bored because all their customers had canceled due to the weather. They took to them immediately, offering coffee and a place to dry off. During the three hours before their next appointment, they wrote up every one of those ladies.
Still raining something awful, they went to their next appointment. It was a mechanic shop on the other side of town. The rain was blowing completely horizontal with no signs of letting up, so they made a mad dash for the door. The ground was so soft that Sam lost one of his brand new shoes in the mud. The owner and one employee helped them in and long story short, was so impressed with John's presentation that he quickly called his brother over. They ended up selling 3 families. Thursday, John's car broke down on the way to their appointments. So they had to call Sam's wife to pick them up and use his car the rest of the day. John had over $20,000 in AV that week. He never once let the elements get in his way. He was constantly thinking of positive solutions to every situation. It was John's best week to date.
So, where does attitude insurance come from? Attitude insurance comes from the same place things like honor, discipline and integrity come from…inner self. An agent's friends and co-workers surely help but for him to truly have the good attitude, he will have to be the one to get it and protect it. The agent is the only one who can give himself an Attitude Insurance Policy.
The really great news is that there is no cost associated with obtaining this policy. Not in terms of money anyway. The cost is the agent's action and their discipline. Agents must discipline themselves to take action against all those outside forces that adversely affect their good attitude.
By not protecting his attitude, an agent's focus and ability to perform sound reasoning will be destroyed. Failure to protect a good attitude will certainly feed a bad attitude.
If an agent wants to make $4,000 a week selling insurance, he can. But if he sets a goal to make $4,000 a week and doesn't do his due diligence to gain the proper knowledge and discipline, it won't happen. And what do happens next? Well, believe it or not, this person is now looking for ways to cancel their Attitude Insurance Policy. They actually seek out other unsuccessful people to confirm their lack of success is justified --- again, from another unsuccessful person.
Dropping attitude protection, even for a moment, can cost hundreds or even thousands of dollars. Ironically, highly successful people who encounter great challenges have those really huge Attitude Insurance Policies.
Dan Roberts is the VP Sales and Marketing for Insurance of America Agency, Inc. A marketing leader in the insurance industry, Dan has worked in operations and sales and marketing at some of the nation's largest insurance marketing organizations. He is the recipient of over 85 industry awards including a coveted 'Million Dollar' gold ring from the agency's founder. Insurance of America specializes in both operational and sales and marketing support for those individuals wishing to build their own successful insurance business or marketing organization.
Dan Roberts, VP Sales and Marketing
Build Your Own Insurance Business
www.byoib.com
888-440-4642


What is your Hobby?
By Kimberly Chastain
http://www.christianworkingmom.com/
When you saw the title of this article, what was your reaction? Did you groan? Did you get excited? Did you say, "Who has time for a hobby"? I use to hate when people asked me that question, especially when my children were infants to preschoolers. I remember saying, "I don't have a hobby, I have children."
I think God wants us to play and relax. Even though hobby is not specifically listed in the Bible. Remember Ecclesiastes 3:1; "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven…" Does a time for everything include hobbies? The Bible did say everything, which sounds pretty inclusive to me.
As a little girl, what did you enjoy doing with your free time? What did you do to relax or just to have fun? As adults we often forget how to have fun or somehow feel like we are goofing off. I still remember my Dad liked to color and sometimes after a hard day of work would sit down and color. We kind of thought that was funny, but he enjoyed it. I used to enjoy playing piano. Recently, we were given a piano for our home. I have started playing maybe 15 minutes a day and trying to improve on my rusty skills. Playing the piano has been truly relaxing for me. It calms me down and I feel I have some mastery over something. The piano does not talk back, even though I make a mistake. I'm amazed what 15 minutes can do for me and my mood.
Moms, I know you are incredibly busy and sometimes you just want to crawl in bed at night and sleep. I would encourage you to find maybe only 15 minutes a week to start to do something you enjoy doing. Maybe it is a hobby from childhood or a new hobby. Take the time to "goof off" and do something for yourself. Maybe it is getting a massage or manicure once a month. You deserve it. Taking a little time for yourself will make a big difference in your mood.
© 2005 Kimberly Chastain
Kimberly Chastain, MS, LMFT is the Christian Working Mom Coach and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She was recently featured in the book the Myth of the Perfect Mother. She is the author of "Help My Preteen/Teenager is Driving Me Nuts!!!" To purchase a copy of this e-book please visit www.kimberlychastain.com/parenting. To schedule a free, initial coaching session send an email to free@kimberlychastain.com or visit http://www.christianworkingmom.com. Feel free to make comments on this article at the Christian Working Mom Blog, http://kimberlychastain.com/my-journal.
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